God left the ground to circle the world

remember the sabbath:
1. find a day in the week that you can do no work
2. do things that bring you joy
3. do things that honor God

Matt. 1:28-30 (msg)
"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

Longing only to know You

"Sometimes I feel as though I were born in a circus, come out of my mother's womb like a man from a cannon, pitched toward the ceiling of the tent, all the doctors and nurses clapping in delight from the grandstands, the band going great guns in trombones and drums. I unfold and find flight hundreds of feet above the center ring, the smell of popcorn in the air, the clowns gather below, amazed at my grace, and all the people chanting my name as my arms come out like wings and i move swan-like toward the apex, where I draw my arms in, collapse my torso to my legs, roll over in perfection, then slowly give in to gravity. My body falls back toward earth, the ground coming up quick, the center ring growing enormous beneath my falling weight.

And this is precisely when it occurs to me that there is no net. And I wonder, What is the use of a circus? and Why should a man bother to be shot out of a cannon? and Why is the crowd's applause so fleeting? and... Who is going to rescue me?"

Searching for God Knows What, Donald Miller

shake it.

my darling courtney came to cinci this past weekend. she came with me to the church i'm visiting and we had coffee/tea at the speckled bird.

this week at work has been good. i think i was experiencing burnout or something- and lately i've been loving it again. today i asked a girl if she was a veteran (we were filling out a housing application) and she thought really hard and said, "no. but i am US citizen." :) i always wish i had someone with me to chuckle with.


i went and did jazzercise with a friend from work today. i think i grinned the whole way through. there was this tiny woman in the front row just wiggling and workin' it, and at the end of each "routine," she would go to the side, towel off and chug some water. it was too cute. the instructor would speak the song lyrics, and try and tie them in with the dance moves we were doing. such as, "are you drowning... in your own sweat?" although the class was fun, i probably won't make it a habit. but it's good to try things at least once, isn't it?

and here's a tip. the "hyde park" kroger is most often a mess of suv's in the parking lot and the aisles are packed with people. if you want to go at a time that you can get in and out, i highly recommend valentine's day night, about 8pm. heh. there's just about no one in there. it's probably a good time to meet people too, as the only other people there are in the same boat :)

the weekend is upon us once again. this week went quickly. hope everyone enjoys their fridays.

cheers, darlin'

first things first. may i give a grand kudos to puffs plus with vicks. this genius invention was a joy during my days and nights with the flu. well done, puffs, well done.

so that first day of being home sick may have been "strangely nice," but being doctor ordered to stay home and finding out when you do try to go out that there's a good chance you will faint in front of people is not so much nice. the past several days have been a blur of sleep and dizzy awake, but have been positively accented by a very loving roommate and a mom to the rescue. and i think now i am on the road to recovery... yea!

over a year ago i came across this job description on career builder :

Outreach
A recent local study indicates that at least one third of homeless individuals in Cincinnati suffer from mental illness. Individuals who are living on the streets or in shelters often do not know where to go for help. Our Outreach Worker encounters individuals living in parks, cars, abandoned buildings, and other places not meant for human habitation, as well as individuals staying at emergency shelters. We work with these individuals to help them build trusting relationships and to obtain needed housing and mental health services.

Tender Mercies works in partnership with Greater Cincinnati Behavioral Health Services (GCBHS) to operate the PATH program (Projects for Assistance in the Transition from Homelessness). This program expands the outreach services for individuals with mental illness, maintaining a presence in shelters, soup kitchens, parks, streets and other places homeless people frequent. Making initial contact and establishing a relationship with an Outreach Worker is often the first step in breaking the cycle of homelessness.

i applied, thinking the job sounded too good to be true. and low and behold, one year ago this week i began what has been the blessing of this job! my team is amazing (two of them just called me and told me to come back to work :), i have gotten to learn a lot about homelesseness in the US and social services first hand, and i have worked with some very precious people that make my days worthwhile. this job has made sense when very little else has. so there ya go, cheers to one year!

i feel like walkin' the world

i'm home sick today. i haven't been stay-at-home sick in about 3 years, so it's been strange. and i don't really know how to go about getting well. my remedies:

oatmeal, pineapple, green tea, books and movies. oh and sleeping a lot and drinking lots of water. it's been strangely nice.

so i wanna go somewhere(s). i'm ready to dust off my travelin' shoes and hit the road (or air). there are so many options! if only i had a friend with a private plane...

i'm no fighter, but i'm fightin'

oh, so many things i'm thinking about right now! last week someone told me i think too much, which at the time i agreed to, but the more i think (heheh, i just can't stop!) about it, the more i wonder if maybe some folks don't think enough? okay, that may sound weird. let me use a song from wicked to illustrate. fiyero, this facy cool guy who gets kicked out of school after school shows up at shiz. he asks what the students do for fun, and someone tells him they study. his response is:

The trouble with schools is
They always try to teach the wrong lessons
Believe me, I've been kicked out
Of enough of them to know
They want you to become less callow
Less shallow
But I say: why invite stress in?
Stop studying strife
And learn to live the unexamined life

Dancing through life
Skimming the surface
Gliding where turf is smooth
Life's more painless
For the brainless
Why think too hard
When it's so soothing
Dancing through life
No need to tough it
When you can slough it off as I do
Nothing matters
But knowing nothing matters
It's just life
So keep dancing through

Dancing through life
Swaying and sweeping
And always keeping cool
Life is fraught-less
When you're thoughtless
Those who don't try
Never look foolish
Dancing through life
Mindless and careless
Make sure you wear less
Trouble and rife
Woes are fleeting
Blows are glancing
When you're dancing
Through life

and that's not to say that we should always go around thinking too hard about everything and not enjoying what's going on around us. but i do think we should be more in the habit of examining ourselves and our surroundings. a couple days ago i read 1 Timothy, and this stood out to me:
"Be diligent in these matters, give yourself wholly to them. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Perservere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers." 1Tim 4:15-16

i digress.

and on to my recent thoughts:)
i'm still reading Three Cups of Tea, and there's a part where he actually has the opportunity to go and pay his respects to Mother Teresa in Calcutta shortly after she died.

"Safely back in his basement, during the winter of 2000, Mortenson often refelected on those few rare moments with Mother Teresa. He marveled at how she lived her life without the long trips home, away from misery and suffering, so she could rest up and prepare to resume the fight. That winter, Mortenson felt bone-tired." 237

i find myself wondering that a lot, too. how so many people who have made such an impact never seemed to become exhausted and drained like i so often feel.

i also recently read,
"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." Galations 6:9

so then i'm thinking, okay, how does one not get tired of constantly being poured out? not to mention i don't feel very poured into right now... but that's another tangent altogether. :)

so this morning we discussed lent: the church's challenge for this season is to focus on justice, and, specifically isaiah 58. isn't it weird when people read things and it's eerily relevant? i love it.

Isaiah 58

True and False Fasting

1"Cry aloud; do not hold back;
^(A) lift up your voice like a trumpet;
^(B) declare to my people their transgression,
to the house of Jacob their sins.
2^(C) Yet they seek me daily
and delight to know my ways,
as if they were a nation that did righteousness
and did not forsake the judgment of their God;
they ask of me righteous judgments;
they delight to draw near to God.
3^(D) 'Why have we fasted, and you see it not?
Why have we humbled ourselves, and you take no knowledge of it?'
Behold, in the day of your fast you seek your own pleasure,^[a]
(E) and oppress all your workers.
4Behold, you fast only to quarrel and to fight
and to hit with a wicked fist.
Fasting like yours this day
will not make your voice to be heard on high.
5^(F) Is such the fast that I choose,
^(G) a day for a person to humble himself?
Is it to bow down his head like a reed,
and to spread sackcloth and ashes under him?
Will you call this a fast,
and a day acceptable to the LORD?

6"Is not this the fast that I choose:
^(H) to loose the bonds of wickedness,
to undo the straps^(I) of the yoke,
to let the oppressed^[b] go free,
and to break every yoke?
7Is it not^(J) to share your bread with the hungry
and bring the homeless poor into your house;
when you see the naked, to cover him,
^(K) and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?
8^(L) Then shall your light break forth like the dawn,
^(M) and your healing shall spring up speedily;
^(N) your righteousness shall go before you;
^(O) the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.
9Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer;
you shall cry, and he will say, 'Here I am.'
If you take away^(P) the yoke from your midst,
^(Q) the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness,
10^(R) if you pour yourself out for the hungry
and satisfy the desire of the afflicted,
^(S) then shall your light rise in the darkness
and your gloom be as the noonday.
11And the LORD will guide you continually
and satisfy your desire in scorched places
and make your bones strong;
and you shall be^(T) like a watered garden,
like a spring of water,
whose waters do not fail.
12^(U) And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt;
you shall raise up the foundations of many generations;
you shall be called the repairer of the breach,
the restorer of streets to dwell in.

13^(V) "If you turn back your foot from the Sabbath,
from doing your pleasure^[c] on my holy day,
and call the Sabbath a delight
and the holy day of the LORD honorable;
if you honor it, not going your own ways,
or seeking^(W) your own pleasure,^[d] or talking idly;^[e]
14then you shall take delight in the LORD,
^(X) and I will make you ride on the heights of the earth;^[f]
(Y) I will feed you with the heritage of Jacob your father,
^(Z) for the mouth of the LORD has spoken."

that's all for now.

dancing through life

warning: this could be a long one.
a lot's gone on since last friday...

1. juno. a review said it reminds us why people fell in love with going to movies in the first place. it is so good... go see it.
2. book club. some friends and i started a book club about this time last year, but it kinda fell apart after 4 months. we've decided to give it another go, and our first book will be a thousand splendid suns... i am pumped.
3. this is week 2 of the boiler being broken at the church i'm trying to visit. but, two cool things as a result: i saw a handful of people standing outside the church for a while and i thought they were there to tell others there wouldn't be a service; but about 10 minutes later i saw that they were armed with garbage bags and had begun to wander around the neighborhood, collecting trash. cute :) and because of said service cancellation, i had church in the solitude of my apartment. i love the way my spirit is ministered to in that time alone with God...
a friend sent me psalm 62:8, that says pour out your heart to God and let him be your refuge. so, i focused on that.
4. turkish coffee: i had the cutest pot of the stuff i've ever had the other night.
5. tuesday was incredibly long, and pretty good. i got to work at 4am to split into teams of outreach workers to count the homeless staying outside that night. fortunately it wasn't extremely cold. i laughed to myself about how strange my job can be: climbing up rocky inclines under bridges, muddy slopes in the woods with bare tree branches smacking me in the face, unceremoniously disturbing the rem-cycle sleep of the homeless to "ask them a few questions" to get an idea of how long they've been homeless, if they've had services, and so forth. their compensation? a granola bar. our team was on the western outskirts of the city and we found six people: one guy living in the sweetest fort-like structure made of tires. oh, and a coworker and myself fell in the mud, which is 4 times as funny when it's dark and early.
6. wicked! i saw the musical a couple weeks ago and had tickets to see it again last night. i was in the very last row of the top balcony, but it didn't make a bit of difference. the first time elphaba showed up on stage i cheered, as if seeing an old friend. she has a phenomenal voice! i also picked up on a lot of subtleties i didn't see in it the first time, which i really enjoyed. i saw a lot more of the deeper meaning of what the story is saying, and i just loved how it spoke to the idea that sometimes what's good and right is not what the majority may accept as right, and that it may not even be something they think about. i kinda took from it that sometimes when you choose to speak out or stand up for something you believe to be true, you may be the only one, and you may not be liked for it...
7. that reminds me of a broadcast i heard on npr last year around mlk day. it was the story of a father telling his daughter about mlk, who he was, what he did. he told her that mlk tried to speak on the fact that all people should be created equal and should respect and love one another. the little girl said, that's like Jesus. and the dad said, yeah, kind of. she asked, did they kill him too? interesting....

i have much more to work through in my mind, but this is getting arduously lengthy.
until next time, stay warm.

dirty pop

WEDNESDAY JAN. 16
"A Denver man named Wayne Watson has sued Kroger Co. and two of its popcorn-making subsidiaries for giving him a butter-flavored respiratory disease. Watson says that years of eating two to three bags of microwave popcorn a day gave him "popcorn lung," a respiratory illness caused by inhaling the fake-butter flavor diacetyl. Popcorn lung has been known to sicken workers in butter flavor factories, but Watson is the first person to suggest that general microwaving use can also cause the hilarious-sounding disease. Scientists have determined that Watson must either stop eating fake-flavored popcorn during every meal or stop standing so close to the microwave oven while it's cooking."
-Danny Cross, Cincinnati City Beat 1/23/08

well i feel like an old hobo

There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled.
There is a void in your soul, ready to be filled.
You feel it, don't you?
-Rumi

"But let justice roll down like waters, and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream."
Amos 5:24


"...and the world is never the same again, when the prophets come to town."
Rick McKinley, Imago Dei

you said what you have to

by the last half hour at work today i was thinking in fluent swear words. nasty ones. i was mentally cussing out the agency workers i had just spent the last hour and half sitting with who, at the end of those 90 minutes, revealed that they were to be, in fact, of no help. great. i'm so glad i drove approximately 45 minutes to come meet with you. heh.

funny parts of my day, however, were:

• giving a client a baby ruth bar as a form of bribery to take a shower

• telling a very schizophrenic client a joke. his response: "was that a question to bring me back to reality?"

so, even on mental-swear-word days, i still laugh. :)

aside from that, i want to go here. i have never had bubble tea, and i'm intrigued.

baby you'll freeze out there

the church i'm visiting has their own coffee shop, the speckled bird cafe. it's really cute, i hadn't been in before. i like the idea of a place where the church can gather and hang out... but also a place out in the community where people can get to know each other.


there are several cute, independent coffee shops near me. i think i need to start patronizing them more, as opposed to those owned by "the man." :)

i'm reading this book lent to me by a friend, called Three Cups of Tea. this guy is a mountain climber that falls in love with a village in Pakistan and, upon discovering they have no school, decides to make that happen. it's pretty good, i'm enjoying reading about the way the village finds a place in his heart, the discouragement, the rewards, the lessons... he quotes mountain climbers that have experienced this village:

"'We breathed an air of utter satisfaction, of eternal peace,' he continued. 'All this gives rise to a question. Isn't it better to live in ignorance of everything- asphalt and macadam, vehicles, telephones, television- to live in bliss without knowing it?'"

and then again,

"'I used to assume that the direction of 'progress' was somehow inevitable, not to be questioned,' she writes. 'I passively accepted a new road through the middle of the park, a steel-and-glass bank where a 200-year-old church had stood...and the fact that life seemed to go harder and faster with each day. I do not anymore. In Ladakh I have learned that there is more than one path into the future and I have had the privilege to witness another, saner, way of life-a pattern of existence based on the coevolution between human beings and the earth.'"

i'm mr. brightside

last night my friend lauren came over to my place and we had a delicious dinner of lentils in red curry sauce from trader joe's. it was a recommendation from courtney. and it was so well-recommended, we both enjoyed it very much. and we had a long evening of chatting over said delicious dinner, talking about life and work and everything in between.

i found out that the loan forgiveness thing isn't gonna work for me. even if i stay in the non-profit sector for 10 years, only then will what's left of my loan and interest be forgiven. and by then it'll be paid for. which is good, i guess; but it would have been nice to be freed of that debt prematurely.

i discovered that ingrid michaelson is coming to town next month... right here to the little town of oakley. i think that would be a fun show. who's with me... tickets are cheap!

we found an amazing homeless camp today, quite the setup. apparently the police are going to run them out soon, so we went to see if we could be of service. but no one was home. i took pictures but they're on my phone... anyone know how to get those onto my computer?

happy almost friday :)

we are so fragile

so last night i was laying in bed reading and my roommate brought in a flower wrapped in paper with a note taped to it that she found set in our mailbox.

in that note is written, "your beauty.... should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." 1 peter 1:3-4  

it also had some encouraging thoughts that i'm keeping to myself :)

the note was unsigned.  and the flower is beautiful.  i am so thankful for friends.

                     

in other news...

i found out today the rumor i'd heard about loan forgiveness for social workers is TRUE!!  in fact, it is specifically designed for those who work in non profit (which i do!).  apparently you commit to ten years in the field, when your loan is consolidated through direct loans (mine already is) your clock starts, and they pay it off!  so, i'm calling tomorrow to find out more.  if you've got student loans and work in non-profit, i'll fill you in.  that news made me happy.

i can't sleep

i got ready for bed only to lay there, thinking. ugh. so then i called court, which helped. but then i still just didn't feel sleepy. because of my thinking. so here i sit, awake and knowing i have to be at work in a handful of hours. oh well.

i made that calzone on new year's eve. isn't it pretty?

let's jump out the window.

i love this song for multiple reasons. take a listen. enjoy.

Australia The Shins
Born to multiply,
Born to gaze into night skies,
When all you want’s one more Saturday.
Well look here, until then
They gonna buy your life’s time
So keep your wick in the air and your feet in the fetters
‘Til the day...
You come in doing cartwheels
We all crawl out by ourselves
And your shape on the dance floor
Will have me thinking such filth I’ll gouge my eyes.

You be damned to be one of us, girl,
Faced with the dodo’s conundrum
I felt like I could just fly
But nothing happened every time I tried.

Oh duotone on the wall
The selfless fool who hoped he’d save us all never dreamt of such sterile hands.
You keep them folded in your lap,
Or raise them up to beg for scraps,
You know, he's holding you down
With the tips of his fingers just the same.
Will you be pulled from the ocean,
But just a minute too late,
Or changed by a potion,
And find a handsome young mate
For you to love.

You'll be damned to pining through the windowpanes,
You know you'd trade your life for any ordinary Joe’s,
Well do it now or grow old.
Your nightmares only need a year or two to unfold.

Been alone since you were twenty-one,
You haven't laughed since January.
You try and make like this is so much fun,
But we know it to be quite contrary.

La la la la la la la
Dare to be one of us, girl,
Facing the android's conundrum,
I felt like I should just cry,
But nothing happens every time I take one on the chin,
You Himmler and your code,
You don't know how long I've been,
Watching the lantern dim,
Starved of oxygen,
So give me your hand,
And let's jump out the window.

you take me the way i am

"We must not despise what little we have to give to what seems a bottomless pit. In the hands and prayers of Jesus and in turning to face the poor it is enough. Miracles can happen when we risk what we have. Indeed, risking what we have to find life and Christ among the poor is required to take poverty personally and turn crowds into community."
-Ashley Barker Finding Life

"The person who loves their dream of community will destroy community... but the person who who loves those around them will create community." -Shane Claiborne Irresistible Revolution

oh tie me to the end of a kite

it's the first day of a new year. appropriately spent, i think, in sweatpants with coffee by my side, reflecting on the past 12 months and looking ahead to hopes, dreams, goals of the year to come.

the past year was, in summation, good. :)
some examples:
running a half marathon
running a full marathon
visiting cities like chicago, st. louis, nashville, boston and seeing good friends
a new (ridiculously lovely) job
learning lessons, sometimes hard, sometimes good, most times both
new friends, deeper relationships with preexisting ones
lots of wonderful chats over coffee with amazing friends
so many good things...

it's weird how hard new year's eve is for me, every year for as long as i can remember. i'm not extremely nostalgic, so it's not as if i hate to see the old year go. in fact, i love the freshness that a new year brings... so much renewed hope and the excitement of the unknown. and a lot can happen in a year... this past was a good example of that. but each year, maybe it's just the pressure to make it happy and good and exciting, that one night just ends of bearing down on me in an unpleasant way. not to say that my ringing in the new year festivities weren't fun- they were- it's more in my head.

i went to some friends' house and we made food and chilled. it was nice.
the Christmas season was nice, too, primarily spending time with friends and family. i have to admit i was a little relieved when the actual holiday ended, but the low-key visits, shared meals and beverages and chats with friends were rejuvenating.

overall i'm hoping for another good year. here's to taking it a day at a time, thinking less about self and loving others more. cheers :)

it really is (a wonderful life)

Christmas eve has arrived. i went to a nice little pre-Christmas party this evening, and this afternoon i saw Enchanted with my love Court as well as two new little friends.

i haven't felt very Christmassy this season... i'm not sure why. it's not that i've felt non-Christmassy, i've just felt like i do the rest of the year, but colder :) i really think part of it has to do with not doing much gift giving/thinking this year. partly because i can't afford it and partly because i'm trying out relational giving and diy gifts. so tomorrow i've got some crafting to do. and i must say i've received a few handmade gifts this season and i LOVE them. i'm very impressed with my friends' abilities.

i was thinking tonight about the upcoming year, and i realized i think about it too much. i've put a lot of stock into this ideal "next year" when things will be the way i want, when i will feel right, when i will live where i want, when i will never say anything stupid and will never have strangeness or hurt in friendship... i have made next year into something it cannot be. i realized tonight that next fall i may still not know where to go overseas, that i will most definately still have broken human relationships, that i will say things i regret, that i will most likely still want to fix all kinds of things about myself. i think there's a great deal to be said for optimism, for hope... but there's also something to be said for contentment and trust, for waiting (some more) on God's timing. so, my goal for Christmas and the days to come is to make the most of each day, to love those in my life, to allow God to take my brokenness and make it whole. and i'm still gonna pray for His direction on where to go (and when) :)

Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel

i've been reading through some of the old testament prophets. so when we sang o come, o come Emmanuel this morning during worship the lines about ransomed Israel had more significance to me. i think too, not just because of my reading, but because i see the ways i am so much like Israel, and how my country is so much that way, too. i long for both myself and my land to be ransomed by Emmanuel.

it's rainy and chilly and i love it. it is an appropriate weather day for the way i am feeling; kind of thoughtful and like i'd be most content to sit in an optimally lit room ;) and be comfy with a book and journal :) i think i just made my afternoon plans. heheh.

i went and visited a new place for sunday morning "corporate worship" today. it was beautiful, both the building and the service. personal, real, reverent. lovely. we talked about advent, and waiting on God. we did lectio divina, which is a kind of guided meditation through a passage of scripture. i've done that once before, corporately, with my servant team two years ago. i got so excited when she said that's what we would be doing and that this way the holy spirit would basically minister an individual sermon to each of us. so, yeah, it was lovely.

do you ever just feel like you don't fit? i've been feeling like that these days....
randomness.

a perfect love is a world without hunger

"many people are talking about the poor, but very few talk to the poor." -mother teresa