boston for the springtime

"If one could run without getting tired, I don't think one would often want to do anything else."
-CS Lewis, The Last Battle

i went to boston this weekend to visit friends and cheer friends on in the boston marathon. i was excited for a reunion and a couple of days away from work and hopefully receiving some inspiration for the marathon i'll be running in just under 2 weeks.

i was definitely inspired! it made me want to run hard and finish well; for my first marathon my goal was solely to finish. this training season has been a difficult one, but the past month or so things have felt better and i have been able to enjoy my runs. being in the race atmosphere and surrounded by the running subculture made me glad for sticking with the training even when i questioned it. for this race i'm going to try running with a pace group at a pace i know i can do, and perhaps be able to speed up towards the end if need be, once i know what i have left. oh i'm excited.

this weekend was one of those times when there was a lot on my brain. i think there's been a lot on my brain for a while now, which is probably partly why i so needed some time away from work. i feel refreshed enough to return to the work i do- i'm so fortunate that i enjoy my coworkers so much. it makes the days bearable when they otherwise may not be. i've been wondering if i'm being called out of this job and into something different. it certainly seems that i am, with all the upcoming changes in my surroundings, as well as the changes within. but in being called out the question is what am i called into?

a few weeks back i was repeatedly hearing the story of the prodigal son. and in it the brother's reaction to his father's celebration seemed to strike me. i felt like i could identify a lot with that brother. he says to his father, "'Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!'" (luke 15:29-30). but the father responds to him, "'Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours.'" (31)

Richard Foster says that "As we enter the school of inner renunciation we come into that state in which nothing belongs to us and yet everything is available to us." (Money, Sex and Power) i've been asking God to help me understand what that means, that all that is His is ours, and what my part in that is.

and it's been hard to for me to figure out where i stand in what seems to be a discord between obedience and rejoicing. Foster said "Perhaps our fears keep us from the joyful life of trust-we need those who will prod us into faith." we sang an old song this weekend whose words rang in my heart: "one thing i ask, and i would seek, to see your beauty, to find you in the place your glory dwells."

all in all my head spins with questions. what am i called into? what is the most obedient, life-giving thing i can do? i'm really not sure right now. but i'm taking it a day at a time, asking for grace in the midst and that i can do the work set out for me each day.

"'Beloved,' said the Glorious One, 'unless thy desire had been for me thou wouldst not have sought so long and so truly. For all find what they truly seek.'" -Aslan, The Last Battle