and even breathing feels alright

Isaiah 40

¹Comfort, comfort my people, says your God.
²Speak tenderly to Jerusalem,
and cry to her
that her warfare is ended,
that her iniquity is pardoned,
that she has received from the LORD’s hand
double for all her sins.

³ A voice cries: "In the wilderness prepare the way of the LORD;
make straight in the desert a highway for our God.
⁴ Every valley shall be lifted up,
and every mountain and hill be made low;
the uneven ground shall become level,
and the rough places a plain.
⁵ And the glory of the LORD shall be revealed,
and all flesh shall see it together,
for the mouth of the LORD has spoken."

i don't know if you can dance, if the thought ever occurred to you

You don't have to move that mountain

I'm reading "Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light." I've put it off for a year, afraid of the convicting words I would find inside. It has only been encouragement and caused stirring in my soul. Every few pages I read I am left with food for thought...

"In the silence of the heart, God speaks." (32)

"When I see someone sad, I always think, she is refusing something to Jesus." (33)

"Why does Jesus say, 'I thirst?' What does it mean? Something so hard to explain in words-... 'I thirst' is something much deeper than just Jesus saying 'I love you.' Until you know deep inside that Jesus thirsts for you- you can't begin to know who He wants to be for you. Or who He wants you to be for Him." (42)

"The more we trust Him- the more He will do." (62)

Such simple, profound statements; like her love and work for the Lord.

"But we have this treasure in jars or clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you." 2 Cor. 4:7-12

if she wanna rock she rocks

it's been a good past couple of weekends. and now i'm in the midst of a 3-day-er. wahoo. love that.

in recent history, i ran the flying pig marathon and the cleveland half. two weeks apart. the marathon was great- good weather, lots of friends along the route, and i felt good almost all the way through. i kept waiting for the disabling pain or the massive wall, but neither happened. i really enjoyed the course, too. maybe because it felt homey, maybe because it's beautiful, maybe because there were so many cheering faces, and lots of those familiar. i love races. and then two weeks later i was up in cleveland, running the half with jillian. it was great- beautiful morning and we just enjoyed and took it easy- i was still feeling a lot of leftovers from the marathon. we talked for 13 miles and then rehashed with post-run bagels, which are the best kind of bagel.

after the marathon my foot was hurting pretty bad. someone suggested it could be a fracture, and i panicked, mainly because i didn't want to have to stop running. it has become something i love to do, and in the post-race weeks of rest and recovery i haven't felt quite right, not being able to go out and run in the way i'm so used to now. i am so thankful for it. and i don't think my foot is fractured, which i'm also thankful for :)

boston for the springtime

"If one could run without getting tired, I don't think one would often want to do anything else."
-CS Lewis, The Last Battle

i went to boston this weekend to visit friends and cheer friends on in the boston marathon. i was excited for a reunion and a couple of days away from work and hopefully receiving some inspiration for the marathon i'll be running in just under 2 weeks.

i was definitely inspired! it made me want to run hard and finish well; for my first marathon my goal was solely to finish. this training season has been a difficult one, but the past month or so things have felt better and i have been able to enjoy my runs. being in the race atmosphere and surrounded by the running subculture made me glad for sticking with the training even when i questioned it. for this race i'm going to try running with a pace group at a pace i know i can do, and perhaps be able to speed up towards the end if need be, once i know what i have left. oh i'm excited.

this weekend was one of those times when there was a lot on my brain. i think there's been a lot on my brain for a while now, which is probably partly why i so needed some time away from work. i feel refreshed enough to return to the work i do- i'm so fortunate that i enjoy my coworkers so much. it makes the days bearable when they otherwise may not be. i've been wondering if i'm being called out of this job and into something different. it certainly seems that i am, with all the upcoming changes in my surroundings, as well as the changes within. but in being called out the question is what am i called into?

a few weeks back i was repeatedly hearing the story of the prodigal son. and in it the brother's reaction to his father's celebration seemed to strike me. i felt like i could identify a lot with that brother. he says to his father, "'Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!'" (luke 15:29-30). but the father responds to him, "'Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours.'" (31)

Richard Foster says that "As we enter the school of inner renunciation we come into that state in which nothing belongs to us and yet everything is available to us." (Money, Sex and Power) i've been asking God to help me understand what that means, that all that is His is ours, and what my part in that is.

and it's been hard to for me to figure out where i stand in what seems to be a discord between obedience and rejoicing. Foster said "Perhaps our fears keep us from the joyful life of trust-we need those who will prod us into faith." we sang an old song this weekend whose words rang in my heart: "one thing i ask, and i would seek, to see your beauty, to find you in the place your glory dwells."

all in all my head spins with questions. what am i called into? what is the most obedient, life-giving thing i can do? i'm really not sure right now. but i'm taking it a day at a time, asking for grace in the midst and that i can do the work set out for me each day.

"'Beloved,' said the Glorious One, 'unless thy desire had been for me thou wouldst not have sought so long and so truly. For all find what they truly seek.'" -Aslan, The Last Battle

i love to laugh

are we different

"Be so careful that you don't spend your life fighting for what you want."
-Francis Chan, Is Suffering Optional

I've had some good running experiences lately. Thursday night I ran and it was so refreshing and needed. It was getting harder and harder to get out with the fierce cold winds blowing and to run for hours. So Thursday was not a long run, and it was about 65 degrees and I felt good. This training has had more bad runs than I've ever had before, which makes me thankful for the good ones. And while running I listened to the podcast I linked above, and it was strange how encouraged I was by it. Because his words were hard and scary, but true. I feel like I'm being taught about suffering, about the way it's spoken of in scripture and what I have to do with it. The first few times I heard things like theologies of suffering and the like, I felt like I was getting punched in the stomach. But I continue to hear it, and ask that I would be convinced as well of the promises that accompany the suffering.

So that was Thursday. Yesterday I had a 17 mile run scheduled, and I get so nervous before those runs. Anything over 13 sounds daunting. And I didn't drink enough water, and had friends over for a breakfast that left me feeling terribly sluggish (although it was good while it lasted:). So my first 5 or 6 miles were just awful. It felt so hot, since last Saturday it was about 60 degrees colder than yesterday. And the bottoms of my feet were numb, and I was so thirsty! Everyone I passed seemed to be carrying a large bottle of water.

Tangent:

I'm reading this book called What is the What, by Dave Eggers. It's about this guy from Sudan who became one of the walking boys when Sudanese villages were attacked by the murahaleen. He walked for months to Ethiopia and has seen an unfathomable amount of terror and tragedy. So I just read the part about their walking, about going through the dessert and not having water or food for days at a time, being so sick and still walking. And it's really troubled me, thinking about little children not having food and water and walking... I got upset the other night when I threw away 3/4 of an onion because I wasn't going to use it, but somewhere in the world it could sustain a life.

So while running, so thirsty and numb feet and already tired but knowing I had about 12 miles to go, I started thinking about the walking boys. And then i started thinking about the beattitudes, blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God, those who mourn for they will be comforted.... And somehow I brought this season of lent into it, too. And thought about how this training has been such a disciplined time for me, and how I have been asking God that He would allow me to run these miles, because there have been several longer runs where I feel incapable. So I started feeling like this time of running can teach me about reliance on God and reflecting on/praying for God's children who suffer daily and involuntarily.

So I was listening to this song that says "You are my joy" over and over again, and I was starting to feel better. My feet were un-numbing and there was wind at my back, and I was coming to the top of a hill that leads to a downgrade. And I look to my right, and there's a water fountain. Oh my goodness I was so happy! And I felt like it was so small, the actual event, but the significance was huge to me.

Later in that same run, about 3 miles from home, I was again crazy thirsty. I went into a UDF and noted no water fountains. So I went into the bathroom and when I washed my hands... I slurped water from the bathroom sink. Heheh. I was desperate.

Oh and I finished the 17.