Wednesday, April 30, 2008

a funny taste in my head

Revelation 21:3-5
"And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, 'Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people and God Himself will be among them, and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying or pain; the first things have passed away.' And He who sits on the throne said, 

'Behold, I am making all things new,'

And He said, 'Write, for these words are faithful and true.'"

Saturday, April 26, 2008

i need a hurricane

tired and sad and tired of feeling tired and sad.

I felt the faint trace of thunder
rattle this old house
I saw the fire light the sky
but there's no sign of rain anywhere

I need a hurricane
to empty out this place
It seems it's the only way
to salvage any sense I have left
to move on

I'm waiting to hear your voice again
and lighten up this heart
I'm holding onto stupid memories
but I see you in every little thing

I need a hurricane
to straighten out this place
It may be the only way
to salvage any sense I have left
to move on

I need a hurricane
to ravage through this place
I think it's the only way
to salvage any sense I have left
to move on

I felt the faint trace of thunder
rattle this old house
But there's no sign of rain anywhere
No, there's no sign of you anywhere...
Hurricane, Mindy Smith

i apologize for being so down. this week has just been difficult. i know it will lift.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

in my praises make Your home

Psalm 13

How Long, O LORD?
To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David.
1How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

3Consider and answer me, O LORD my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
4lest my enemy say, "I have prevailed over him,"
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

5But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
6I will sing to the LORD,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

i feel it all

nothing like a run on a sunny 70 something degree day to get you feeling like your old self, and allowing all of the thoughts that have a been in a jumble for days into words.

in college some of my guy friends liked to go to the catacombs of the library and turn on those moving bookshelves and run through, trying not to be pummeled by them. they endearingly dubbed it, "the gauntlet." this week i feel like i've experienced the gauntlet of emotions, running through a flurry of them and trying not to be pummeled.

on monday night my friend abby had some sad news about some friends of hers. tuesday i found out during the workday that my friend meredith's cancer has progressed to the point that her liver is now failing and the family called in hospice. with those things on my brain, working on the streets was hard, and each individual i encountered brought me close to tears.

immediately after the news of mere i felt pretty frustrated. that, along with other big-ish things that i've been praying about, felt unanswered... or that i'm getting more "wait" responses.

but with spring comes hope :) He makes all things new. i don't know how that will be embodied, in meredith's situation, in big things i'm praying in my own life, but i believe it, and i apologize for not doing so so often.

i was listening to caedmon's call's album, share the well, and this song again hit home.
Mother India
Father God, You have shed Your tears for Mother India
They have fallen to water ancient seeds
That will grow into hands to touch the untouchable
How blessed are the poor, the sick, the weak

Father, forgive me, for I have not believed
Like Mother India, I have groaned and grieved
Father, forgive me, I forgot Your grace
Your Spirit falls on India and captures me in Your embrace

The serpent spoke and the world believed its venom
Now we're ten to a room or compared with magazines

There's a land where our shackles turn to diamonds
Where we trade in our rags for a royal crown
In that place, our oppressors hold no power
And the doors of the King are thrown wide

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

You are with me

"Of course we're stressed, God created us to be naked gardeners, and now we have to save the world."
-Rick Mckinley: Rugged Spirituality

I just listened to this sermon... again. He discusses David's life and his work as a shepherd. Kind of lowly work. But he points out that in that time God was teaching David so much, working in him in order to make him into who he would be later on. And David utilized that time, writing psalms to God and meditiating on His word. The pastor read through Psalm 23, and how David was seeing God in his own work, how the Lord would be a shepherd. And the pastor suggested doing the same with our line of work, looking at how God would do it...

Psalm 23: a meditation of an outreach worker
The Lord is my outreach worker
I shall not want!
He makes me lie down in a safe, clean home of my own, perhaps the first time in years
He leads me smoothly and quickly through the maze of social services, advocating for me
He affirms me to my core
He leads me in making good decisions
For His name's sake

Even though I walk through dark, urine-coated, needle-strewn alleys,
I will fear no evil
for You are with me
Your food and blankets, they comfort me

You prepare a table before me
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

I have A LOT on my mind right now. Praying for discernment, wisdom, direction... all that fun decision-y stuff.
And i'm praying for you... you know who you are ;)
love, love, love!

Friday, April 04, 2008

this troubled mind

heheh, at least i'm not the only one... :)

Pavement Tune
, The Frames
This situation's killing me
It's got me right under the thumb
I don't know where I want to be
This doesn't make no sense at all
You're quoting every single line
I spoke too much but I was old before my time, you told me

I want my life to make more sense
I want my life to make amends
I want my life to make more sense to me

This road is crooked cracked and wrong
They got the odds staked nice and high
I don't know how they get along
Me, I just internalize
You can imagine what they'd say
Given the choice if I could fight or walk away, I'm walking

You see I want my life to make more sense
I want my life to make amends
I want my life to make more sense to me

I want my life to make more sense
I want my life to make more sense to me

So let me take you by the hand
And lead you through this troubled mind
You said yourself we had a plan
To get us all back to the line
We talk about it everyday
But we keep forgetting what it was we came to say
Now don't we

I want my life to make more sense
I want my life to make amends
I want my life to make more sense to me
My life to make amends