i feel it all

nothing like a run on a sunny 70 something degree day to get you feeling like your old self, and allowing all of the thoughts that have a been in a jumble for days into words.

in college some of my guy friends liked to go to the catacombs of the library and turn on those moving bookshelves and run through, trying not to be pummeled by them. they endearingly dubbed it, "the gauntlet." this week i feel like i've experienced the gauntlet of emotions, running through a flurry of them and trying not to be pummeled.

on monday night my friend abby had some sad news about some friends of hers. tuesday i found out during the workday that my friend meredith's cancer has progressed to the point that her liver is now failing and the family called in hospice. with those things on my brain, working on the streets was hard, and each individual i encountered brought me close to tears.

immediately after the news of mere i felt pretty frustrated. that, along with other big-ish things that i've been praying about, felt unanswered... or that i'm getting more "wait" responses.

but with spring comes hope :) He makes all things new. i don't know how that will be embodied, in meredith's situation, in big things i'm praying in my own life, but i believe it, and i apologize for not doing so so often.

i was listening to caedmon's call's album, share the well, and this song again hit home.
Mother India
Father God, You have shed Your tears for Mother India
They have fallen to water ancient seeds
That will grow into hands to touch the untouchable
How blessed are the poor, the sick, the weak

Father, forgive me, for I have not believed
Like Mother India, I have groaned and grieved
Father, forgive me, I forgot Your grace
Your Spirit falls on India and captures me in Your embrace

The serpent spoke and the world believed its venom
Now we're ten to a room or compared with magazines

There's a land where our shackles turn to diamonds
Where we trade in our rags for a royal crown
In that place, our oppressors hold no power
And the doors of the King are thrown wide