there's no other way

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13

I find myself again and again clinging to this promise. In all different seasons of my life, in various circumstances, these words remind me to trust, and surrender. I've been re-learning the trust/surrender lesson lately. I've been frustrated because I've been home from Rio for six months, and all I've got to show for it is my green starbucks apron. But when I get all bent out of shape about where I am, I find God telling me to wait. I know I'm being prepared for something. I feel myself needing to pray for something I don't know about, something that the spirit in me knows is right, and I don't even know what that is. It's like in Romans, when Paul says we don't know what to pray for but the holy spirit intercedes, that it groans, expressing things we can't put into words. I feel that way with several things in my life right now, with myself, and with the lives of friends, that my prayers have moved beyond my having words for them, that I just have to ask God to listen to my heart.

It's an awe-inspiring thing to me sometimes, to think that God listens to me and has a hopeful future set for me. Even after all these years and all my crumminess. I often feel guilty asking God for things my heart desires, because I don't deserve them. And i don't understand how my life is so beautiful and blessed, and I see the lives of others that are filled with such suffering and hurt. Why do I have so much love and comfort in my life? What does God plan to do with me, the way he has shaped me and placed me in this position and given me the passions and desires he has?

See I told you I had a lot of thinking time. ;)