i see a generation rising up...

... no longer accepting lies,
running to the battlefield
they're losing their lives

i see a generation rising up,
no longer accepting lies,
as the band of worshippers runs to the battlefield
they're finding their lives,
finding their lives...

there's a song by bethany dillon, a voice calling out, that hits me at the heart every time i hear it. lately i've been listening to that song, i don't know if it's to remind myself or what.

this morning i was about ready to hop on a plane to africa or asia or wherever. for a few reasons.
the past couple weeks i've sat in on a class for high schoolers, and they're going through a curriculum done by International Justice Mission, an organization that rescues the poor and oppressed from situations they would otherwise be trapped in indefinitely. this curriculum is really neat i think, because it tells the stark truth of suffering around the world-kids trapped in slave labor, girls in prostitution, corrupt police beating innocent people, the list goes on.... so i watched the video this week with them, and heard the things the book discusses, and my heart pounds and my mind races with the opportunity this lesson presents to raise up a generation of people who won't ignore the hurting, who won't get wrapped up in things and comfort and see the hurting as far away and foreign. but then the video ends and life goes on.

and the thing is, i wasn't where i am when i was in high school. i wasn't where i am a year ago. but it's still frustrating to me to feel so intensely about something, to want to make it real for others so they understand that these are real people too, that they need our prayers, they need our God, but to feel so stifled by the seeming discomfort that intensity raises in people. i need the grace to be an advocate for the people God has broken my heart for, because i think that's what i should be doing while i'm here.

yesterday i was working with a friend who is an activist. she had left the water running, and i semi-teasingly asked out loud who'd left the water running while there are children dying of no water in africa. she responded that there's always a drought in africa and that she's more worried about things like oil and the u.s. addiction to it. it was hard for me to see how someone could consider the oil "crisis" more serious than children dying because they're thirsty. but it's far away, and we don't know those children, have never seen those children, and it's on the news all the time. we're so numb to the horrible truth of poverty around the world.

then the sermon this morning, given by a missionary in the dominican republic, spoke about sacrifice and generosity. he said the biggest danger for christians in america is prosperity.

so all of these things are swirling around in my head, and i feel so guilty being here, hearing about what i know goes on abroad. it makes me desire to live my life in this time as faithfully and obediently as possible, to not neglect God's plan for me in this time just because i'm not living in a slum in another country. so i keep asking God to show me how he wants me to use my time here.

sometimes i am all over the place.