it could bend or it could break

i am a below average blog poster. i don't know when it happened; i used to be pretty good about posting. probably a combination of shaky internet connections and less time has made me said below average poster. i'm alright with it, though.

last weekend i went to st. louis. it was so wonderful-and sad when it ended. what a fun group it was; we wandered from coffee shop to restaurant to some other funky little shop and back to court's apartment. it was good hangout and reunion time. i got to see jara, who i haven't seen in a year. i didn't feel like it, though. and it was so fun to celebrate courtney's birthday and just be with her again. and the road trip was fun. good times.




i'm working ten days in a row. i'm almost halfway through. i think once i'm through the weekend it's all down hill. come on, monday morning.

i'm trying to decide what to do with myself. it's really hard. the coffee shop life is becoming more monotonous than anything else. i feel like i have nothing compelling me. or maybe i do, i just am not finding things that fit what i want. this is a strange time in life. i feel stagnant, but also not. what should i be doing with my time? what could i have done differently today? am i being selfish with my time? i think i am to an extent. but it's so hard to do things alone. i'm overwhlemed by time and opportunity right now. and lack of direction. i guess it could be worse :)

it's the little things that seem to be getting me today

i thanked some woman for drawing my blood yesterday. what a strange thing to thank someone for. she was wearing a shirt that read, "i Vant to draw your bloood." clever :)

it's been a while, i know. i have the best of intentions, and keep thinking i should sit down and write on here, but then i think of something else i could do. plus my internet's a little shaky, but that'll be remedied as soon as i figure out my new router's password.

things are good. i think that's what keeps me from writing on here. work is keeping me busy (sometimes a little too), and i've had some things like a brasilian visitor and small group activities that keep things going. i had the opportunity to go to thailand and cambodia a couple weeks ago, or i had to make the decision a couple weeks ago, and that was a hard thing. it was the strangest thing to realize i actually didn't want to go. after all this time of feeling like all i wanna do is get outta town, and i turn down this opportunity. but i've felt really good about my decision. i think it's taken so long to be content here, and i was worried that was the same as comfort, but i don't think it is. and i finally am content; i really love where i'm living, i love my little group of friends, and i like the freedom and opportunity i feel in this time. some days i like it less, and the unkown seems overwhelming and suffocating, but more than that these days i'm trying to just take each day for what it is and make the most of it. i've started thinking about going back to school. when i talk to people about that the response is encouraging.

i love my little place. i love that i get to make it mine, to clean it and make it feel homey- it's fun cooking and hanging out and hosting people here. this weekend one night i didn't stay here, and i missed it and longed to be back here. what a good feeling. i told court i would put up some new pics of the apt, now that it's a little more lived in. come visit!