it really is (a wonderful life)

Christmas eve has arrived. i went to a nice little pre-Christmas party this evening, and this afternoon i saw Enchanted with my love Court as well as two new little friends.

i haven't felt very Christmassy this season... i'm not sure why. it's not that i've felt non-Christmassy, i've just felt like i do the rest of the year, but colder :) i really think part of it has to do with not doing much gift giving/thinking this year. partly because i can't afford it and partly because i'm trying out relational giving and diy gifts. so tomorrow i've got some crafting to do. and i must say i've received a few handmade gifts this season and i LOVE them. i'm very impressed with my friends' abilities.

i was thinking tonight about the upcoming year, and i realized i think about it too much. i've put a lot of stock into this ideal "next year" when things will be the way i want, when i will feel right, when i will live where i want, when i will never say anything stupid and will never have strangeness or hurt in friendship... i have made next year into something it cannot be. i realized tonight that next fall i may still not know where to go overseas, that i will most definately still have broken human relationships, that i will say things i regret, that i will most likely still want to fix all kinds of things about myself. i think there's a great deal to be said for optimism, for hope... but there's also something to be said for contentment and trust, for waiting (some more) on God's timing. so, my goal for Christmas and the days to come is to make the most of each day, to love those in my life, to allow God to take my brokenness and make it whole. and i'm still gonna pray for His direction on where to go (and when) :)

Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel

i've been reading through some of the old testament prophets. so when we sang o come, o come Emmanuel this morning during worship the lines about ransomed Israel had more significance to me. i think too, not just because of my reading, but because i see the ways i am so much like Israel, and how my country is so much that way, too. i long for both myself and my land to be ransomed by Emmanuel.

it's rainy and chilly and i love it. it is an appropriate weather day for the way i am feeling; kind of thoughtful and like i'd be most content to sit in an optimally lit room ;) and be comfy with a book and journal :) i think i just made my afternoon plans. heheh.

i went and visited a new place for sunday morning "corporate worship" today. it was beautiful, both the building and the service. personal, real, reverent. lovely. we talked about advent, and waiting on God. we did lectio divina, which is a kind of guided meditation through a passage of scripture. i've done that once before, corporately, with my servant team two years ago. i got so excited when she said that's what we would be doing and that this way the holy spirit would basically minister an individual sermon to each of us. so, yeah, it was lovely.

do you ever just feel like you don't fit? i've been feeling like that these days....
randomness.

a perfect love is a world without hunger

"many people are talking about the poor, but very few talk to the poor." -mother teresa

the snow is falling like forgiveness from the sky

my roomie and i put up our Christmas tree last night.  it looks quite cozy in our little living room.  if only we had a fire burning.  and snow fell this morning, our first snow that stuck.

i heard yesterday that 30% of the US homeless is youth- 18 years and under.  that's a lot.  most of them are with their mothers, but then some are runaways or castaways.  sometimes i just think about how many people are suffering and how great the need is for people who care in the world.  i imagine if every single person just cared about one other person, how amazing that would be....  and then i get overwhelmed, and then i remember that i'm only being obedient, and i can only do what God has given me to do.

i remember a few years ago i heard about a prayer that asks, "let my heart be broken with the things that break the heart of God."  i began praying that earnestly after i heard it, and my heart has been breaking ever since.  but it reminds me of two things: how incredibly broken the heart of our Father must be and how grateful i am that we have hope beyond here, beyond feeding the hungry and rescuing the oppressed and housing the orphans.  those are only temporary fixes and the hurt goes so much deeper.  only Jesus can mend those hurts, and i am so thankful that He can and does.

When your culture is so set in it's ways

today is the first day of the advent season. the root of advent means "to come," as in the coming of Jesus. look into the advent conspiracy's website... it's a great idea.

i've had a lot on my mind lately... i just finished Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne after putting it off for several years, assuming it was another trendy book with no real truth. but truth is has! i highly recommend it, especially if you want to get all confused and frustrated and disturbed :) perhaps more so than you may already be. but yeah, it made me think a lot, about a lot, and become more convinced of things i already thought and solidly convinced of things i had considered but not fully committed to.

in other news... i love this season, the chill in the air, scarves and hats and hot beverages... the lights inside and out. it's just so lovely. i think i fear it only because i don't like driving in the snow, but what a silly, small reason to dislike something so beautiful otherwise. so, i'm getting over it.

i've had a very relaxing, restful and productive weekend. i've had several cups of coffee while reading in glowy rooms ;) and am feeling more and more a sense of peace and of urgency- all at once.