it really is (a wonderful life)

Christmas eve has arrived. i went to a nice little pre-Christmas party this evening, and this afternoon i saw Enchanted with my love Court as well as two new little friends.

i haven't felt very Christmassy this season... i'm not sure why. it's not that i've felt non-Christmassy, i've just felt like i do the rest of the year, but colder :) i really think part of it has to do with not doing much gift giving/thinking this year. partly because i can't afford it and partly because i'm trying out relational giving and diy gifts. so tomorrow i've got some crafting to do. and i must say i've received a few handmade gifts this season and i LOVE them. i'm very impressed with my friends' abilities.

i was thinking tonight about the upcoming year, and i realized i think about it too much. i've put a lot of stock into this ideal "next year" when things will be the way i want, when i will feel right, when i will live where i want, when i will never say anything stupid and will never have strangeness or hurt in friendship... i have made next year into something it cannot be. i realized tonight that next fall i may still not know where to go overseas, that i will most definately still have broken human relationships, that i will say things i regret, that i will most likely still want to fix all kinds of things about myself. i think there's a great deal to be said for optimism, for hope... but there's also something to be said for contentment and trust, for waiting (some more) on God's timing. so, my goal for Christmas and the days to come is to make the most of each day, to love those in my life, to allow God to take my brokenness and make it whole. and i'm still gonna pray for His direction on where to go (and when) :)